Why setting boundaries is important

Boundaries help us take care of ourselves by giving us permission to say NO to things, to not take everything on. Boundaries draw a clear line around what is ok for us and what is not. While some behaviours clearly cross the line for almost anyone, we all have different comfort levels when it comes to everything from intimacy and privacy to lateness.

Boundaries are important for both individuals in a relationship, and for the health of the relationship itself. Without clear boundaries, we may feel resentful, taken advantage of and eventually shut down and withdraw. It can affect our sense of self-esteem, self-worth and overall personal and interpersonal comfort level. People may try to test your limits, to see how serious you are about drawing the line.

Or they may be used to you responding in a certain way agreeing to take on everything , and they may push back when you try to make some changes. It may just mean that you need to be clear and consistent until people adjust to the new way of interacting.

Crossing your stated boundaries is similar to verbal, emotional or even physical abuse. And therefore, it's important to know that the people who don't like the new you are likely not your people. Your boundaries are the rules for how others learn to behave around you, how you want to be treated, what you will accept and what you will not — they are based on your own needs and wants.

It is not selfish, rude, pushy or self-centered to make these requests. It is understanding your value, knowing your priorities and making sure that others do as well.

It is about you creating the space and time for you to flourish and achieve your career goals and your life dreams. You can only be of service to others if you are strong and empowered and your feet are solidly on the ground. And these qualities can only originate from within you. Setting healthy boundaries is part of self-care and self-respect and should help form the base of your own personal leadership.

It is being assertive without the need for being aggressive. Healthy boundaries can help you define your uniqueness and your core. Saying no assertively to a new commitment means you are honoring your existing ones. Boundaries are not just about getting what you want. It's about you getting to live your life on your own terms. Setting healthy boundaries gives you the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly communicates your needs.

Boundaries are not strict rules that control others or keep them away - we can set boundaries and still be kind.

We don't ask for help, we keep our distance in order to avoid getting rejected, we avoid sharing information about our life, we have few close relationships.

Another categorisation of boundaries is regarding the area that they concern: physical, emotional, time, sexual, intellectual and material.

Physical boundaries include our needs for personal space, our comfort with touch, and our physical needs to eat, drink and rest. Emotional boundaries exist when people respect our feelings and energy. Those boundaries are violated when we are criticised for what we are feeling or when we are being asked questions that make us feel uncomfortable or when we feel we need to hide our needs and our feelings because there is no room for them.

These boundaries are crossed when people demand time from you, when they ask you to work without getting paid, when they show up late to a meeting. Sexual boundaries are about consent, respect and privacy. For example, if a person passes these limits, establishing consequences is vital. If you need help establishing healthy boundaries and practicing assertiveness counseling can help. I use a variety of approaches including psychoeducation and even more importantly, assertiveness counseling and training.

Additionally, clients may need help when there boundaries have been violated i. EMDR therapy may really help with these symptoms. View Larger Image. It is essential to have personal boundaries in order to have healthy relationships. Personal Boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Do you know your rights in a relationship?