Why arguing is good

So, instead of saying, "Of course you didn't do the dishes again. You're lazy! You can say something instead like, "I feel frustrated when I come home to a sink full of dirty dishes.

Can we set up a schedule for our chores so this doesn't happen again? When we're arguing, there's a tendency to talk more than to listen. We're so eager to get our feelings out, we may not even hear what our loved one is trying to express.

Batterson says that the person who has an issue is the one that needs to be listened to. She suggests that instead of immediately defending yourself, just listen and let your partner know that you heard them.

This approach is effective because it not only shows that you were listening, but that you understand what your partner was saying or where they were coming from.

You're more likely to have a more productive dialogue instead of a full blowout argument when you just listen. The reality is that most of us recycle arguments and can almost exactly predict how our partner is going to respond, as if the discussion has been scripted.

If you want to fight better, change what you say—and how you say it. Batterson agrees, "It's a good thing for people to recognize their 'dialogue demons' so they can re-frame the argument, label it, and approach it differently. Instead of pointing the finger at the other person, they can ask themselves how they're contributing to the argument and try a new approach. A lot of couples might keep it to themselves when they're mad at each other because they're scared of starting potentially relationship-threatening arguments.

But a recent study found that avoiding these conversations is actually more likely to harm a relationship than help it. The survey asked people in committed relationships about how they handled conflict and how fulfilling and promising their partnerships were.

The results were striking: People who talked through conflicts were 10 times more likely to be happy with their relationships. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together, according to a paper published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

Researchers found that expressing anger to a romantic partner caused the short-term discomfort of anger, but also incited honest conversations that benefited the relationship in the long run. If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument :. This likely leads to one partner accusing the other of not caring about them, and the other partner feeling attacked. Instead, Ostrander encourages couples to pinpoint what triggers this repetitive fight, and try out ways to compromise instead of allowing the conflict to erupt.

Rather than following the same old script, notice that you fight when one person gets home, and suggest a new way around that. Want to build a meaningful connection that lasts? Despite having even the most open lines of communication , conflicts are still bound to happen.

Setting aside time to work out disagreements allows both partners the space to regroup and prepare, Grody explains. They can think about the best way to communicate their feelings in a calmer, more rational way, so as to avoid the instinct of being defensive or accusatory. Humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger, he says. IE 11 is not supported.

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